Most people grow up swimming in monogamy the way fish swim in water. It is everywhere, assumed, celebrated and rarely questioned. If you date one person at a time, society calls that "stable", even when jumping from one relationship to the other. But if you date more than one person with consent and emotional intelligence, society clutches its pearls.

This is exactly why polyamory and ethical non-monogamy deserve real representation. Not because ENM is better, not because monogamy is wrong, but because people deserve to see healthy relationship diversity reflected back at them. And, let’s be honest, because non-monogamous folks are tired of being treated like a plot twist instead of… people.

Below is why visibility is long overdue and how it actually helps everyone involved, monogamous people included.

Why representation matters for anyone practicing ENM or polyamory

Visibility is not about replacing monogamy. It is about making space for everyone else who lives, loves, dates and builds community differently. Polyamorous and ENM people face a very specific kind of erasure. When poly people set boundaries, communicate clearly or express needs, it's often perceived as strange, risky or suspicious. But when monogamous people do the same, it is called "healthy".

Representation helps dismantle this imbalance. When polyamory appears in stories, media and conversations without being a joke, a crisis or a red flag, it becomes easier for people to understand that ENM is simply another valid way of relating.

And when you define yourself outside societal defaults, visibility becomes a kind of quiet safety net.

How double standards show up in everyday life

Let’s talk about the double standards everyone in ENM circles has seen at least once:

People treat monogamous preferences as reasonable and ENM preferences as absurd

It's "normal" for someone to say they only date monogamously. But if an ENM person says they prefer partners who are also non-monogamous, suddenly it is "too much", "too complicated" or "ridiculous".

Expressions of desire are judged differently

Monogamous people can be attracted to someone else and be told "That’s human".
Polyamorous people can be attracted to someone else and be told "That’s a problem".

ENM is misread as a crisis

So many poly folks share the same story. They casually mention being open or being in a triad, and someone replies: "Oh no. Are things… okay?" 
Yes, Maureen, they are. Sometimes people open their relationships for joy, not because their marriage spontaneously combusted.

Slut-shaming still slips into progressive spaces

Even in feminist or queer circles that often suffer from stigma themselves, people sometimes imply that poly folks are "too sexual", "too messy" or "too much". But consensual multi-partner relationships are not inherently more chaotic (or more sexual) than monogamous ones. They simply distribute intimacy differently.

Sexual activity is measured with two separate rulers

A monogamous couple having sex every night is praised for having an "active sex life". 
An ENM person having sex with multiple partners is judged for being "a sex addict".


Representation is how we fix this.

How ENM visibility helps people build healthier relationships

When ENM shows up in realistic ways, it:

• Normalizes communication styles that benefit everyone, not just poly folks

• Shows that love does not have to look one way

• Helps people name their needs without shame
• 
Reduces the stigma of having multiple connections

• Supports people exploring their identity later in life
• 
Decreases the assumption that polyamory is only about sex

• Gives people language for their experiences (instead of feeling "broken")

Representation is not a trend. It is a tool for clarity, belonging and healthier expectations for all.

Where people can learn about polyamory, ENM and real relationship models

If someone is curious, confused or simply tired of monogamy being the sole narrative, there are plenty of supportive spaces to explore:

Books

• The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
• Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá
• More Than Two by Eve Rickert

• Polysecure by Jessica Fern

Online communities

• Reddit: r/polyamory, r/ethicalnonmonogamy

• Instagram, Facebook and Discord ENM groups

• Meetup groups in your area for polyamorous community building

ENM representation you can wear

If you are already polyamorous or ENM, you know how good it feels to see your life reflected somewhere. That is exactly why Oh Posies exists. Our entire Non-Monogamy & Polyamory collection celebrates identity, consent, connection and unapologetic love.

Featured artwork
Compersion: the joy felt when a partner experiences love with someone else is a core value in many polyamorous relationships. We created the Vintage Compersion Poster as a visual celebration of that idea, blending Art Nouveau aesthetics with modern ENM values.

Final thoughts

Monogamy is not wrong. It is simply not the only model that deserves visibility. Polyamory and non-monogamy are lived, loved and practiced by countless people who rarely get to see themselves portrayed without judgment or sensationalism.

Representation is how we normalize healthy diversity in love. And if monogamy gets to be seen as "normal", then polyamory deserves that same space, dignity and understanding.

If you enjoyed this article, share it to ENM folks or join the Oh Posies newsletter with the form below for more spicy, inclusive content!

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FAQs

Q: Is polyamory just "too complicated"?
A: Relationships are complicated no matter the structure. In polyamory, you just talk it through more and that communication often builds stronger trust and clarity.

Q: Does ENM mean more jealousy or insecurity?
A: Not necessarily. With consent, honesty and boundaries many people find ENM helps them work through jealousy intentionally, not suppress it.

Q: Is it safe to come out as polyamorous?
A: It depends on your social circle. But representation helps. The more we talk openly about ENM, the easier it becomes to create understanding and safe spaces.

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Sources and further reading

• “What do we know about consensual non-monogamy?” - PubMed review, 2022

• “People who practice consensual non-monogamy can face negative social stigma” - EurekAlert summary of psychology research

• “Challenging the ‘monogamy-superiority myth’: Non-monogamous people report just-as-happy relationships and sex lives” - Phys.org summary of 2025 meta-analysis 

• “There’s no reason to do monogamy: Evidence for and characteristics associated with a strong desire for consensual nonmonogamy” - Sexuality Research and Social Policy 2021 study

• “The discursive construction of polyamory: legitimising an alternative to monogamy” - Sexuality & Culture 2022 article on stigma and social norms